Child abuse and bad sports parents

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bcl412
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby bcl412 » Sat Dec 12, 2015 4:02 pm

Sammy Sofa wrote:There's also the jagoffs who flip out over the idea of everyone getting some kind of trophy. Calm down, you shaved apes; most of those kids hate that they're being made to do this, and a little hunk of plastic for them at the end of it isn't the end of the [expletive] world.


The "everybody gets a trophy" complainers are annoying. It's pretty simple to differentiate a trophy that has been given for winning and for participation. It's not ruining anyone's life and at most it goes into a memory book or something.

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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby Derwood » Sat Dec 12, 2015 4:13 pm

bcl412 wrote:
Sammy Sofa wrote:There's also the jagoffs who flip out over the idea of everyone getting some kind of trophy. Calm down, you shaved apes; most of those kids hate that they're being made to do this, and a little hunk of plastic for them at the end of it isn't the end of the [expletive] world.


The "everybody gets a trophy" complainers are annoying. It's pretty simple to differentiate a trophy that has been given for winning and for participation. It's not ruining anyone's life and at most it goes into a memory book or something.


They act like its new or that it's unique to this generation. We got participation trophies in soccer in the early 80's...this isn't a new thing

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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby Sammy Sofa » Sat Dec 12, 2015 4:23 pm

Derwood wrote:
bcl412 wrote:
Sammy Sofa wrote:There's also the jagoffs who flip out over the idea of everyone getting some kind of trophy. Calm down, you shaved apes; most of those kids hate that they're being made to do this, and a little hunk of plastic for them at the end of it isn't the end of the [expletive] world.


The "everybody gets a trophy" complainers are annoying. It's pretty simple to differentiate a trophy that has been given for winning and for participation. It's not ruining anyone's life and at most it goes into a memory book or something.


They act like its new or that it's unique to this generation. We got participation trophies in soccer in the early 80's...this isn't a new thing


Yeah, they've been around forever. No kid is thinking, "gee, I'm just as good as the kid/team that won the BIG trophy;" they all know what a participation trophy is. For the most part I sucked at playing sports and had a huge collection of participation trophies. All I ever thought was, "hey, it's kinda cool I got a little trophy I can put on my dresser" and they would remind of the teams I actually enjoyed being on.

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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby bukie » Sun Dec 13, 2015 3:50 pm

As a coach of a highly competitive youth soccer travelling team, I've seen and heard some things that just anger me beyond reason. I worry there might be further abuse going on behind closed doors, because their kids are seriously terrified of them and letting them down.

I've seen parents berate their kids after games (and practices!) if they think they aren't playing well enough for their satisfaction.

I've had parents berate me for daring to bench their child for things like striking other players.

I've had parents scream at me from the sidelines during games because they don't feel their child plays enough for what they pay to be on the team, and then after the game send a letter to the league office asking for my dismissal for that reason.

I've had parents scream at their kids during the games non-stop for 60 minutes of game action.

I've had parents of opposing teams scream at my players during games because of perceived dirty play, including one particular crazy who brought my son to tears on the field because of the things he was saying about him.

I've had player and parents accuse me of favoritism of this player or that player or my son because he or she plays this or that position more often than this other player who is obviously better.

I suppose I'm just jaded and disheartened of sports parents. This abuse story just sounds like it's another thing supported by the children's sports culture that absolutely shouldn't be, and I hope stories like this bring to light what monsters parents can be to their children in the guise of "pushing them to be better".
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby CubinNY » Mon Dec 14, 2015 12:32 pm

jersey cubs fan wrote:
Stannis wrote:
Derwood wrote:It's not a career, but it's a path to an athletic scholarship (and getting a full ride at D-1 for swimming is exceptionally difficult)

But I agree that it's too much, especially at that age. If the kid doesn't end up hating swimming it'll be a miracle

For what it's worth, the kid is Asian, and the situation felt like a stereotypical "Asian parents expect kid to be #1 in everything" deal


A lot of kids don't enjoy things unless they're good at them, and how else do you get good at said things unless you practice. Kids are not great at disciplining themselves when it comes to practice.

Derwood's right, there's a line, and it's fine to push your kid.

not 8 year olds, dude.

I tend to agree. However, if the kid really likes to swim I thinks it ok. If the dad is requiring him to go, that's another thing.

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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby biittner77 » Mon Dec 14, 2015 1:40 pm

My dilemma with my kids is finding the balance between just letting them have fun and trying to instill a good work ethic. My daughter started playing field hockey in 3rd grade. She loved it and always wanted to practice whenever we had a chance. That made her better than most of the other kids until they got old enough for travel leagues. Then they caught up and surpassed her. Now she doesn't want to practice much except for right before the season starts. I've always told her that I would be fine with her not playing but if she is going to play I'd want her to give it her best.

I guess in some ways it's like piano lessons. Few kids want to take piano but they wind up being glad their parents forced them to take piano later in life. Playing a team sport isn't a life skill but I think that it maybe leads to a more active and healthier lifestyle.
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby seanimal » Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:29 pm

Sammy Sofa wrote:There's also the jagoffs who flip out over the idea of everyone getting some kind of trophy. Calm down, you shaved apes; most of those kids hate that they're being made to do this, and a little hunk of plastic for them at the end of it isn't the end of the [expletive] world.


plus they're a great launching pad for fireworks and/or good for bb gun target practice
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby seanimal » Tue Dec 15, 2015 11:03 pm

bukie wrote:As a coach of a highly competitive youth soccer travelling team, I've seen and heard some things that just anger me beyond reason. I worry there might be further abuse going on behind closed doors, because their kids are seriously terrified of them and letting them down.

I've seen parents berate their kids after games (and practices!) if they think they aren't playing well enough for their satisfaction.

I've had parents berate me for daring to bench their child for things like striking other players.

I've had parents scream at me from the sidelines during games because they don't feel their child plays enough for what they pay to be on the team, and then after the game send a letter to the league office asking for my dismissal for that reason.

I've had parents scream at their kids during the games non-stop for 60 minutes of game action.

I've had parents of opposing teams scream at my players during games because of perceived dirty play, including one particular crazy who brought my son to tears on the field because of the things he was saying about him.

I've had player and parents accuse me of favoritism of this player or that player or my son because he or she plays this or that position more often than this other player who is obviously better.

I suppose I'm just jaded and disheartened of sports parents. This abuse story just sounds like it's another thing supported by the children's sports culture that absolutely shouldn't be, and I hope stories like this bring to light what monsters parents can be to their children in the guise of "pushing them to be better".


my daughter is just over 2 years old and i'm excited by the prospect of her getting the opportunity to try different team sports and make the most of those experiences

but i am struggling a little bit with the last bit there about stories like this bringing parent behavior to light, because i feel like anyone who played youth sports competitively in my generation saw this all the time. so while it seems to have grown worse over time, it's nothing new. we don't need awareness so much as competitive organizations that enforce a zero tolerance policy towards these behaviors while working diligently to educate parents and push them to shift the culture. and i don't mean that in a hand-wave "it's just that simple" kind of way; i realize that this alone won't change much, but i don't see it happening without this either

of course, when we engineer sulley's coup, a dad yelling at a sporting event will be swiftly punished with a tazer to the nuts. and while i would not seek nor accept the role of cultural minister, or really any of the lesser ministerial positions, i would spend some political capital to see that this is done. for the health and vitality of the people
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby bukie » Wed Dec 16, 2015 7:57 am

seanimal wrote:my daughter is just over 2 years old and i'm excited by the prospect of her getting the opportunity to try different team sports and make the most of those experiences

but i am struggling a little bit with the last bit there about stories like this bringing parent behavior to light, because i feel like anyone who played youth sports competitively in my generation saw this all the time. so while it seems to have grown worse over time, it's nothing new. we don't need awareness so much as competitive organizations that enforce a zero tolerance policy towards these behaviors while working diligently to educate parents and push them to shift the culture. and i don't mean that in a hand-wave "it's just that simple" kind of way; i realize that this alone won't change much, but i don't see it happening without this either

of course, when we engineer sulley's coup, a dad yelling at a sporting event will be swiftly punished with a tazer to the nuts. and while i would not seek nor accept the role of cultural minister, or really any of the lesser ministerial positions, i would spend some political capital to see that this is done. for the health and vitality of the people


The recreational leagues in the area now have very strict policies about what parents are and are not allowed to do at the field, and I've even see it enforced to the point parents are not allowed to stay at games to watch their children due to their behavior in games.

You would think that would give parents the hint they need that their behavior is embarrassing and they should change, but instead of that they just enroll their kids in more competitive leagues that aren't as strict about parent behavior, so they treat it like it's the major leagues. They act like the worst of disgruntled fans, because since they paid X dollars they are entitled to do whatever they want and yell at whatever they want during games.
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby Stannis » Wed Dec 16, 2015 8:01 am

jersey cubs fan wrote:
Stannis wrote:
Derwood wrote:It's not a career, but it's a path to an athletic scholarship (and getting a full ride at D-1 for swimming is exceptionally difficult)

But I agree that it's too much, especially at that age. If the kid doesn't end up hating swimming it'll be a miracle

For what it's worth, the kid is Asian, and the situation felt like a stereotypical "Asian parents expect kid to be #1 in everything" deal


A lot of kids don't enjoy things unless they're good at them, and how else do you get good at said things unless you practice. Kids are not great at disciplining themselves when it comes to practice.

Derwood's right, there's a line, and it's fine to push your kid.

not 8 year olds, dude.


8-year-olds don't know [expletive] about anything. if you don't make them do something, they won't do it, and they won't learn.
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby kujay » Thu Dec 17, 2015 10:35 am

First, I read O'Sullivan's article a few days ago and it was chilling. His father was/is just a psycho criminal. I grew up playing hockey and saw a lot of pressure on kids -- makes you wonder what you didn't see and how bad it got.

For my part, I think my Dad knew there was no point in pushing that hard -- I wasn't showing any particular talent.

Scares me as I think about putting my young son in skates. Will just try to have the perspective my Dad had.

In the end, it just goes back to this -- there are a ton of idiots out there, and they breed. A lot.
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Re: Child abuse and bad sports parents

Postby Derwood » Thu Dec 17, 2015 2:01 pm

I've adopted the same mentality my parents had: don't care what you're doing or how good you are, but you have to do SOMETHING. As a kid, I tried baseball, tennis, bowling, swimming, soccer, etc. I wasn't very good at any of them, but I always had to be involved in an activity. Same with my daughters. They both swam, but they wanted to stop, so it was just "fine, you can stop swimming, but what will you be doing in its place?" One is still in sports (softball) while the other has taken up acting


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