17 Seconds wrote:JudasIscariotTheBird wrote:17 Seconds wrote:boy i sure wish my doctor hadn't prescribed me lorazepam for anxiety
Ha. No more deets? Just be careful. I've seen it's effectiveness wane pretty quickly after moderate use.
Thank you to anyone who reads. I know this comes across as selfish whining considering all the people dying from covid and the grief of their families, but I don't know where else to do this.
About a month ago I became ill with something called CHS (it's real) after using marijuana heavily for over a decade. It's basically severe cyclical vomiting and abdominal pain, and the only way to get rid of it is to stop using any marijuana and wait. The sever vomiting lasted about a week or so. When I got out of the hospital, I would only get nauseous after eating (CHS and acid reflux are related).
When I left, they gave me a prescription for lorazepam, since I was having anxiety. I've been on SSRIs and other stuff for my whole life for depression, anxiety, and ocd. I had a couple suicide attempts earlier in my life. Weed was masking my issues it for many years. But when they prescribed me the lorazepam, they gave me no warning to how addictive and harmful it could be. I knew it was addictive, but they told me I'd be completely fine just using it for a couple weeks until I was fully over the CHS and potential marijuana withdrawals. I didn't realize how bad benzos were. And the thing is, I took way less than prescribed, just to be safe. They gave me 2mg tablets that I was supposed to take 2-3x per day. I never took more than 1, and usually I only took a half. I thought that would be fine.
So I started using it when I got out of the hospital, and my mood started getting better and better over the week or so after I got out. I was still physically having the vomiting episodes, but they were mild and tolerable. Mentally, I felt I was getting back to "normal" and was optimistic. Then I stopped the Ativan. The first couple days off it I noticed my anxiety spike, but I was managing it. The next 2 days, it got worse than I had ever experienced. This weekend, I have exploded with anxiety and depression. I can't sleep, and when I do, I wake up with an immense feeling of pressure in my entire body. It is unbearable. I went to the ER and they told me I had already developed a dependence, and I needed to be tapered off. So now I have a taper plan that goes through the weekend. I still feel terrible but I'm absolutely terrified of how I'm going to deal with it when I have to fully come off.
I'm not going to lie. I've been suicidal the last 2 days. I'm sharing that here because I can't share it with anyone I know, out of fear that they will Baker Act me (involuntarily admission to a mental hospital). The only thing keeping me alive is the fact that it would absolutely destroy my mom. I can't do it to her. But now I feel trapped. I've had bad depression bouts in my life, but I never knew I was capable of feeling like this. I'm crying constantly and then the bad thoughts come. Then I think of leaving me family and the pain it would cause, and it escalates it.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't have any close friends I can share this with, and I try not to burden my family too much with it. They know I'm struggling, but they have no idea how bad it really is. I'm just really scared and I'm looking for anything that can help.
Call 1-800-273-8255 now. We're here for you, but you need to talk to a counselor ASAP.