Work Jerks

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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Sammy Sofa » Mon Nov 12, 2018 10:47 pm

Along these lines...

The office I work in is a big one where you have 3 different teams/sub-offices all sharing the same vault (just a secure government office). The various managers/leads have their own actual offices, and the rest of us just have cubes. The lowest tier team has a boss who is finally returning next year, probably has Lyme disease, and is the worst kind of micro-manager. She has to be involved in everyone's work who is under her, always does this obnoxious passive-aggressive thing where if you don't know a certain person to reach out to, or how do something, she'll cackle and say something, like, "oh, you don't know THAT?" NO, OF COURSE NOT: they wouldn't be horsefeathering asking you otherwise.

ANYWAY...she has an office. But she doesn't use it at all except for video conferences. She only got this position in the last 6 months, but she essentially refuses to move from her old desk to her new office because she wants to be "with her team." Nevermind EVERYONE, especially her team, would love to have her in an office where her obnoxiously loud work calls could be muffled a bit, and she wouldn't be snooping on horsefeathering everything everyone is doing (which is clearly why she doesn't want to be in there).

So this perfectly good office, an actual office, is just sitting there unused.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby big ball chunky time » Mon Nov 12, 2018 10:52 pm

derwood: hmm i dont quite understand the thread? In my office, which i have by myself, i have no such problems with co-workers, who are not around me much due to my office that i sit in alone

Minny: has anyone tried to horsefeathers in your office

derwood: again, just me in here. sometimes it gets a little hot (temperature wise not in a sexual way)

minny: my co-worker crafter a dildo chair out of random ikea furniture and makes me ride it

derwood: my point is that i have an office to myself.

minny: you guys have no idea the darkness that resides in my heart (due to the pounding of the dildo chair)
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby jersey cubs fan » Mon Nov 12, 2018 10:55 pm

I want that chair
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby David » Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:04 pm

TBS Playoffs Insider wrote:derwood: hmm i dont quite understand the thread? In my office, which i have by myself, i have no such problems with co-workers, who are not around me much due to my office that i sit in alone

Minny: has anyone tried to horsefeathers in your office

derwood: again, just me in here. sometimes it gets a little hot (temperature wise not in a sexual way)

minny: my co-worker crafter a dildo chair out of random ikea furniture and makes me ride it

derwood: my point is that i have an office to myself.

minny: you guys have no idea the darkness that resides in my heart (due to the pounding of the dildo chair)


oh my god hahaha
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Derwood » Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:07 pm

TBS Playoffs Insider wrote:derwood: hmm i dont quite understand the thread? In my office, which i have by myself, i have no such problems with co-workers, who are not around me much due to my office that i sit in alone

Minny: has anyone tried to horsefeathers in your office

derwood: again, just me in here. sometimes it gets a little hot (temperature wise not in a sexual way)

minny: my co-worker crafter a dildo chair out of random ikea furniture and makes me ride it

derwood: my point is that i have an office to myself.

minny: you guys have no idea the darkness that resides in my heart (due to the pounding of the dildo chair)


Twist ending: The dildo chair that was crafted by minny’s co-worker was commissioned for my office
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Sammy Sofa » Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:09 pm

jersey cubs fan wrote:I want that chair


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Re: Work Jerks

Postby TomtheBombadil » Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:46 pm

That chair - is it from Gay Mac’s Ass Pounder line of products? I’ve only seen the Ass Pounder 4000:

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Re: Work Jerks

Postby big ball chunky time » Tue Nov 13, 2018 12:06 am

burn after reading
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby minnesotacubsfan » Tue Nov 13, 2018 12:33 am

Thats funny because he named the dildo “Dylan”
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Brian » Tue Nov 13, 2018 3:14 pm

I worked with a real life twitter troll. We found out about him because he used someone elses computer for a day and stayed logged in. Since then we kept tabs on him. He was suspended multiple times and had a couple of accounts permanently suspended. There were at least four accounts that I know of, the first being a very basic first initial last name account and then he got an alias and the rest were variations on that. He seemed to be low level twitter famous as he always got to tens of thousands of followers when he had to start over. During that giant purge that nuked a ton of Russian accounts a couple of months ago he appears to have gotten taken out in that and just quit (taking his crazy to Reddit I think as I would see him on there), and then shortly thereafter someone took the name and profile picture and is pretending to be him. I search the name he used and people talk about missing him (the real him, they call out the new guy as a fake), and wondering what happened to him. I spent a ton of time reading through his tweets and I have no idea what exactly he was... he seemed to have far right and far left opinions and greatly detested the far right and far left at the same time.

He's real life weird to, off the top of my head: (and just for reference, this is a small office - 8 people)

- poor hygiene, varying levels of smell. Some days, he for sure horsefeathers his pants.
- would eat tuna in the office
- would go on stretches where he'd buy gallons of milk and drink glasses of it through the day
- worked here from his mid '20s to late '20s and I am sure 90% of the clothes that he wore he got in high school, and whenever he'd get something new he'd where it pretty much every day, and he grew a gut in that time so nothing fit at all
- would get giant ink stains all over his pants (from pens)
- there was a period of at least four months where he did a sniffle/snort type noise out of his nose like every minute on the minute. When it started I was like well he's sick so it's going to go away, and then it never did when someone finally brought it up his response was something about allergies and needing to take an allergy pill
- would click his mouse pretty much constantly
- talked/mumbled to himself constantly and adamantly
- would work himself into such a frenzy on twitter that he would randomly just pop out of his chair and pace a little, and just stop in doorways and stand there
- part of that and at other times would violently shake his hands as if trying to air dry them or that they'd just been stung
- would stick his elbows straight out and rub his chest (this is such a weird thing that he'd just do seemingly involuntary it has to mean something but I could never get anything when trying to google it)

There's definitely more but I think that's a good start.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby jersey cubs fan » Tue Nov 13, 2018 3:22 pm

Brian wrote:- would get giant ink stains all over his pants (from pens)


very helpful clarification, but at the same time, disappointing lack of vowel(s)
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Old Style » Tue Nov 13, 2018 5:16 pm

I feel like Brian will soon to be commenting to the media about his co-worker's shooting rampage.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Brian » Tue Nov 13, 2018 5:31 pm

That is why I tried to be as nice as possible to him. Fun fact, he was let go 2 weeks ago so I am definitely in the getting shot up window.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby weis21 » Tue Nov 13, 2018 5:40 pm

Brian wrote:That is why I tried to be as nice as possible to him. Fun fact, he was let go 2 weeks ago so I am definitely in the getting shot up window.

it's only a 15 day window at least
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Sammys Boombox » Tue Nov 13, 2018 7:17 pm

When I first hired on with my company out of school I was put in a 6-month training program with 31 other new hires. For 6 months everybody lived at a hotel across the street from company headquarters. I was like, “no way I’m doing that.” I signed a 6-month lease for an apartment instead. 30 of the 32 people stayed at the hotel. So some of these stories I did not witness first hand, but they were corroborated by many witnesses.

1. Day 1. Eating dinner as a group by the pool. A very, very large girl from a very affluent family with some acceptance issues stripped completely nude, jumped in the pool and tried to get people to swim with her. She was sober.
2. We had about 8 guys from all around the world that were training with us. Most were awesome. There was a Korean guy that was so excited to go see MLB. He also didn’t want to go back at the end of the training because he hated his wife.
3. The French guy was always watching questionable stuff online while at work. One day he was watching some movie and kids were running naked on a beach. Somebody saw it and he very nearly was fired over that one.
4. One guy was engaged to a very rich girl and all he talked about was how rich her family was. And he had to make sure everybody knows he doesn’t eat at any chains period. Acted like a work outing to McCormick and Schick’s was beneath him.
5. But the French Canadian dude was absolutely insane. The biggest liar I’ve ever known. He was late 30s. Divorced. A kid he hadn’t seen in months or years. More fluent in English than me. We were playing this team building activity game. Somebody answered “Garth Brooks.” He said he didn’t know who that was.
Me: You don’t know who Garth Brooks is?
French Canadian: No.
M: He’s a country music singer.
FC: What’s country music?
M: Are you serious?
FC: I’ve never heard of country music.
M: It’s actually pretty popular in Canada.Im sure you’ve heard it on the radio, in a restaurant, at a store?
FC: I’ve never listened to the radio.
Co-worker (Now everybody is watching): You’ve never been in a place where you’ve ever heard a radio?
FC: No.
C: You never turned the radio on in your car?
FC: No. I listen to my iPod.
C: You’ve never been in a car where somebody else was driving and listening to the radio?
FC: I’ve never been in a car when somebody else was driving.
C: You’ve never been to a restaurant or store that was playing music?
FC: Never.

Interactions like this were daily with him. And, I do not think he was just messing with people. I don’t see how anybody could keep that schtick up for 6 months. He was such a habitual liar, he would never concede a point, ever. He would rather go to complete crazy land to not contradict himself.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby jersey cubs fan » Tue Nov 13, 2018 7:23 pm

Sammys Boombox wrote:When I first hired on with my company out of school I was put in a 6-month training program with 31 other new hires. For 6 months everybody lived at a hotel across the street from company headquarters. I was like, “no way I’m doing that.” I signed a 6-month lease for an apartment instead. 30 of the 32 people stayed at the hotel. .


30 other people wrote:We were placed in a 6-month training program and for 6 months they put us up in a hotel across the street from company headquarters. 2 weirdos opted out.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Derwood » Tue Nov 13, 2018 7:29 pm

I used to work with a compulsive liar. He didn't just lie about stupid day-to-day stuff, but lied about his entire life.

He told everyone that he used to be a Spec Ops soldier and had killed a dozen enemy soldiers as a sniper. This dude was easily 400 lbs and wore a Wiccan charm around his neck. At one point we had a new hire who was just home from a 12 month tour in Afghanistan with the US Marines. He started asking the liar SUPER basic questions about his military experience (where did you do basic training? which branch of the armed forces did you deploy with? etc.) and the guy couldn't answer a single one. AND YET, he never backed down from this story.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Brian » Tue Nov 13, 2018 8:07 pm

Not a co-worker, but that brought back a memory for me from a teacher in high school that I ended up having at least twice for different English classes. He was a late career new teacher (from my memory he had to be in his late 50s or 60s). And its been over 10 year so I'm not pulling anything specific but it seemed like every day he had new stories about what happened throughout his life and they were mostly insane. I vaguely recall something about parachuting into the rain forest on some military mission. I was in his class on September 11th. It was early in the day while 1 or 2 planes were unaccounted for, and he kept going on about how they were probably headed for Cuba where the passengers were going to be shot in the head one by one, and he made a big point about it happening on 9 - 1 -1.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby cl smooth » Tue Nov 13, 2018 8:35 pm

during my first tour of duty in nyc real estate, one of the receptionists at the front desk was a compulsive liar. a few of the stories she spun:

1. on her first day of work, she insisted on standing the entire time due to "a recent atv accident" that left her knees "full of stitches" and she didn't want the stitches to break if she sat down. she wore a skirt the next day and there were no stitches or scars on her knees.
2. she used to live next door to todd mcfarlane (never lived in NYC) and rolled with mekhi phifer (who is a good 10 years older than her).
3. she had a double masters degree at the age of 25 but yet was a receptionist at a real estate firm.
4. her brother died in 9/11 but no evidence was found of her having any siblings whatsoever.
5. she took a vacation to europe and decided, on a whim, to get married in vatican city.
6. some of the back office staff gifted her with a pregnancy test on her birthday (inside joke between her and some co-workers; no #metoo shenanigans). the next day, she left during the middle of the day and explained to everyone that she was "having a miscarriage." never brought up being pregnant before then and never mentioned anything afterwards.

people are horsefeathering weirdos.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Sammy Sofa » Tue Nov 13, 2018 8:50 pm

To be fair, that's a good rando pair of celebrities to lie about knowing.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby big ball chunky time » Tue Nov 13, 2018 8:52 pm

lol this reminds me of this guy i went to high school with. He was ... not proportioned for athletics, to put it nicely. But it was clear he had obviously dealt with acceptance issues, so we all treated him gently.

among his lies
He was an amazing drummer
He was an amazing guitarist
He loved to snowboard (i liked this one because it just happened so suddenly. One of the guys at my school was from colorado and was just talking about it one day and all of a sudden Lee (the liar) just spun this wild story about how he also loved to snowboard, even though we all knew there was 0 percent chance he had ever left his hometown in Oklahoma.)
He had an un-worn pair of every Jordans back to the Jordan 1s back at his house, but his mom was in the process of moving and he couldn't find them.

I randomly ran into him at a restaurant when i was in college. It was summer and he was dishwashing or something. He spotted me and came to say hi, then told me that he was having a rough summer because he was home from college at texas tech where he was on a scholarship as a running back, but had blown his knee out in practice.

it was an audacious lie, told in front of a table of about a dozen people. The guy was shaped like an oversized thumb tack, and beyond that, i had seen his athletic endeavors in high school that included some real inglorious moments.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby CyHawk_Cub » Tue Nov 13, 2018 9:01 pm

Hmm, brb, gonna alert Salena Zito to this thread; hope it's o.k. if I have her PM some of y'all. She needs more fodder to write about a certain politician's base. I think this thread is the jackpot.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Sammys Boombox » Tue Nov 13, 2018 9:12 pm

jersey cubs fan wrote:
Sammys Boombox wrote:When I first hired on with my company out of school I was put in a 6-month training program with 31 other new hires. For 6 months everybody lived at a hotel across the street from company headquarters. I was like, “no way I’m doing that.” I signed a 6-month lease for an apartment instead. 30 of the 32 people stayed at the hotel. .


30 other people wrote:We were placed in a 6-month training program and for 6 months they put us up in a hotel across the street from company headquarters. 2 weirdos opted out.


In my defense, I asked HR a lot of questions and decided it was stupid to pay like $400 extra per month for a hotel room than to have a 2 bedroom apartment that overlooked Lake Erie. So, I saved $400/month and I got to get away from those people in the evenings when I wanted to. A lot of other people were jealous they had not looked into all their options.

My wife and I actually spent a lot of time at the hotel anyway.
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby Hairyducked Idiot » Tue Nov 13, 2018 9:18 pm

I went to college with a dude like that. His biggest was that he had qualified for the U.S. Open as an amateur in his regional. As if we wouldn't look that up three seconds after he left the room (he was a halfway decent amateur golfer, just nowhere near that level).
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Re: Work Jerks

Postby big ball chunky time » Tue Nov 13, 2018 9:18 pm

Sammys Boombox wrote:My wife and I actually spent a lot of time at the hotel anyway.


did Minny build that sex-fest of a hotel?
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