Bathroom Nightmares

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Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Sammy Sofa » Thu Jan 28, 2016 11:53 pm

Consider this the resurrection of the epic work poop thread.

Just got back to work today after being off after the snow debacle, and upon entering the bathroom was confronting by both a horrible stench and some fat jerk using the handicap stall with the door wide open. He was pissing, but he had his pants and underwear around his ankles like he was 5-years-old. Based on how the smell seemed to be emanating from his stall and the clothing situation I can only assume he inexplicably had just unleashed a monster dump and then was pissing. Why? Was the door open the whole time? Does he also stand to wipe like an animal? OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO USE THIS BATHROOM, YOU FAT JERK.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Derwood » Thu Jan 28, 2016 11:57 pm

On Black Friday, we had not one, but TWO "Code Browns". Not talking someone pooped on the ground. I mean someone smeared feces all over the bathroom walls. We also caught a guy completely naked in the bathroom, using the sink to bathe himself
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby David » Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:00 am

Sammy Sofa wrote:Consider this the resurrection of the epic work poop thread.

Just got back to work today after being off after the snow debacle, and upon entering the bathroom was confronting by both a horrible stench and some fat jerk using the handicap stall with the door wide open. He was pissing, but he had his pants and underwear around his ankles like he was 5-years-old. Based on how the smell seemed to be emanating from his stall and the clothing situation I can only assume he inexplicably had just unleashed a monster dump and then was pissing. Why? Was the door open the whole time? Does he also stand to wipe like an animal? OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO USE THIS BATHROOM, YOU FAT JERK.


is this man too proud to pee sitting down or something

if i have to pee when i horsefeathers, i'm not like waiting til i'm done [expletive]
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby WrigleyField 22 » Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:05 am

I accidentally dripped on my pants trying to read this thread at the urinal.

Jk it wasn't this thread.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby weis21 » Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:14 am

David wrote:
Sammy Sofa wrote:Consider this the resurrection of the epic work poop thread.

Just got back to work today after being off after the snow debacle, and upon entering the bathroom was confronting by both a horrible stench and some fat jerk using the handicap stall with the door wide open. He was pissing, but he had his pants and underwear around his ankles like he was 5-years-old. Based on how the smell seemed to be emanating from his stall and the clothing situation I can only assume he inexplicably had just unleashed a monster dump and then was pissing. Why? Was the door open the whole time? Does he also stand to wipe like an animal? OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO USE THIS BATHROOM, YOU FAT JERK.


is this man too proud to pee sitting down or something

if i have to pee when i [expletive], i'm not like waiting til i'm done [expletive]

I guess somewhat related:

My ex wife had a friend (she's a bit of a bitch...more of that to come). Anyway, her husband (then boyfriend) got drunk one night while a small group of us were hanging out. This guy is both super nice but also SUPER passive in that I'm literally not sure he has a spine. His hands always felt as if he had just applied lotion. Though, now he's a CPA and he makes probably twice my salary so Robbie has the last laugh.

So Robbie got drunk like we all did/were. But he proceeded to tell myself and one other fellow that he wasn't "allowed" (his word. not mine) to pee standing up anymore. I pressed the issue because it was the most asinine thing I had ever heard of. Apparently his girlfriend/now wife got irritated he peed on the seat one too many times when he got up during the night. So she essentially took away his "pee while standing" privileges.

I asked Robbie to do one thing that night. Never, ever admit to another man what he had told myself and one other guy. It's probably been 4 years since I've seen the guy - I can only hope he took those words to heart.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Sammy Sofa » Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:17 am

David wrote:
Sammy Sofa wrote:Consider this the resurrection of the epic work poop thread.

Just got back to work today after being off after the snow debacle, and upon entering the bathroom was confronting by both a horrible stench and some fat jerk using the handicap stall with the door wide open. He was pissing, but he had his pants and underwear around his ankles like he was 5-years-old. Based on how the smell seemed to be emanating from his stall and the clothing situation I can only assume he inexplicably had just unleashed a monster dump and then was pissing. Why? Was the door open the whole time? Does he also stand to wipe like an animal? OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO USE THIS BATHROOM, YOU FAT JERK.


is this man too proud to pee sitting down or something

if i have to pee when i [expletive], i'm not like waiting til i'm done [expletive]


I can understand the man having a sudden urge to pee; like I said, he's hefty and appeared older, so maybe there's prostate issues. But then why was the door open? OK, he was leaving the stall when it hit and he made a quick u-turn? But then why were his pants around his ankles?!?

He also was still in the stall when I had pissed and washed my hands and left.

Too many damn questions.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Sammy Sofa » Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:21 am

Last week I had a huge slice of red velvet cake. The next morning, when everything I unleashed in the bowl was bright red I about had a panic stroke and collapsed onto the floor until I remembered what I had for dessert. Dear God, that's not what you want to see.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Ding Dong Johnson » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:48 am

WrigleyField 22 wrote:I accidentally dripped on my pants trying to read this thread at the urinal.

Jk it wasn't this thread.

and you weren't at the urinal
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Derwood » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:54 am

Ding Dong Johnson wrote:
WrigleyField 22 wrote:I accidentally dripped on my pants trying to read this thread at the urinal.

Jk it wasn't this thread.

and you weren't at the urinal


And they weren't the pants he was wearing at the time
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby davell » Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:39 am

We were on our 8th grade class field trip, which included going to the Asheboro(NC) State Zoo.....We were walking through the chimp display, which included a bridge overlooking them. One girl, who truly thought she was better than everyone else, decided to ask why there was a sign that said Beware of Flying Objects. Halfway through her sentence, she found out the answer to her question. As a chimp had thrown feces and nailed her(and only her) right upside the face. Since she was speaking, she even got the dreaded chimp poo in her mouth.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Banedon » Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:42 pm

Bathroom Nightmares is the worst Gordon Ramsay show.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby weis21 » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:00 pm

davell wrote:We were on our 8th grade class field trip, which included going to the Asheboro(NC) State Zoo.....We were walking through the chimp display, which included a bridge overlooking them. One girl, who truly thought she was better than everyone else, decided to ask why there was a sign that said Beware of Flying Objects. Halfway through her sentence, she found out the answer to her question. As a chimp had thrown feces and nailed her(and only her) right upside the face. Since she was speaking, she even got the dreaded chimp poo in her mouth.

Asheboro zoo is awesome. can't wait to take my son there when he is older.

side question for those of you with kids: when is a good age to take kids to places like the zoo? is 5-6 too young? Henry is 7 months so I've got some time.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby David » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:11 pm

weis21 wrote:
davell wrote:We were on our 8th grade class field trip, which included going to the Asheboro(NC) State Zoo.....We were walking through the chimp display, which included a bridge overlooking them. One girl, who truly thought she was better than everyone else, decided to ask why there was a sign that said Beware of Flying Objects. Halfway through her sentence, she found out the answer to her question. As a chimp had thrown feces and nailed her(and only her) right upside the face. Since she was speaking, she even got the dreaded chimp poo in her mouth.

Asheboro zoo is awesome. can't wait to take my son there when he is older.

side question for those of you with kids: when is a good age to take kids to places like the zoo? is 5-6 too young? Henry is 7 months so I've got some time.


i don't have kids, although i do have 6 nieces and nephews. I'm the uppity about people bringing tiny children to baseball games guy, and even I don't see why you wouldn't take a kid to the zoo at 3 or even 2. i would think they'd enjoy at least some of it.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby weis21 » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:15 pm

Banedon wrote:Bathroom Nightmares is the worst Gordon Ramsay show.

while i suppose there must be a "worst" Gordon Ramsay show, there certainly are no "bad" Gordon Ramsay shows. I would watch Bathroom Nightmares by Gordon Ramsay religiously.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby SouthSideRyan » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:19 pm

Derwood wrote:
Ding Dong Johnson wrote:
WrigleyField 22 wrote:I accidentally dripped on my pants trying to read this thread at the urinal.

Jk it wasn't this thread.

and you weren't at the urinal


And they weren't the pants he was wearing at the time


The very pants he was returning.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby David » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:23 pm

weis21 wrote:
Banedon wrote:Bathroom Nightmares is the worst Gordon Ramsay show.

while i suppose there must be a "worst" Gordon Ramsay show, there certainly are no "bad" Gordon Ramsay shows. I would watch Bathroom Nightmares by Gordon Ramsay religiously.


meh. i liked kitchen nightmares at first. then it turned out every single episode was the exact same thing. just like bar rescue and every other show of this ilk.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby jersey cubs fan » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:46 pm

David wrote:
weis21 wrote:
Banedon wrote:Bathroom Nightmares is the worst Gordon Ramsay show.

while i suppose there must be a "worst" Gordon Ramsay show, there certainly are no "bad" Gordon Ramsay shows. I would watch Bathroom Nightmares by Gordon Ramsay religiously.


meh. i liked kitchen nightmares at first. then it turned out every single episode was the exact same thing. just like bar rescue and every other show of this ilk.

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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby David » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:52 pm

they don't even try to disguise it a little. i can watch like 2-3 episodes of those shows before i'm more distracted by the fact that everything is the same than i am entertained
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Ding Dong Johnson » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:56 pm

David wrote:every single episode was the exact same thing

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https://www.google.com/#q=kitchen+night ... ng+company
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby weis21 » Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:24 pm

David wrote:
weis21 wrote:
davell wrote:We were on our 8th grade class field trip, which included going to the Asheboro(NC) State Zoo.....We were walking through the chimp display, which included a bridge overlooking them. One girl, who truly thought she was better than everyone else, decided to ask why there was a sign that said Beware of Flying Objects. Halfway through her sentence, she found out the answer to her question. As a chimp had thrown feces and nailed her(and only her) right upside the face. Since she was speaking, she even got the dreaded chimp poo in her mouth.

Asheboro zoo is awesome. can't wait to take my son there when he is older.

side question for those of you with kids: when is a good age to take kids to places like the zoo? is 5-6 too young? Henry is 7 months so I've got some time.


i don't have kids, although i do have 6 nieces and nephews. I'm the uppity about people bringing tiny children to baseball games guy, and even I don't see why you wouldn't take a kid to the zoo at 3 or even 2. i would think they'd enjoy at least some of it.

Yeah, I guess 3-4 would be fine. The weather is a big part of it I think. and lately it seems like we skip spring and fall altogether in NC and it's either hot AF or I'm freezing my ass off.

My first and only trip to Wrigley Field was when I was 7 and to this day, it was one of the best days of my life. I cannot wait to take him there when he's at an age in which he will appreciate. It's also crazy to think when he first starts following baseball the Cubs will actually be good and he won't have to suffer though so many years of anguish like we did.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby David » Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:25 pm

weis21 wrote:
David wrote:
weis21 wrote:Asheboro zoo is awesome. can't wait to take my son there when he is older.

side question for those of you with kids: when is a good age to take kids to places like the zoo? is 5-6 too young? Henry is 7 months so I've got some time.


i don't have kids, although i do have 6 nieces and nephews. I'm the uppity about people bringing tiny children to baseball games guy, and even I don't see why you wouldn't take a kid to the zoo at 3 or even 2. i would think they'd enjoy at least some of it.

Yeah, I guess 3-4 would be fine. The weather is a big part of it I think. and lately it seems like we skip spring and fall altogether in NC and it's either hot AF or I'm freezing my ass off.

My first and only trip to Wrigley Field was when I was 7 and to this day, it was one of the best days of my life. I cannot wait to take him there when he's at an age in which he will appreciate. It's also crazy to think when he first starts following baseball the Cubs will actually be good and he won't have to suffer though so many years of anguish like we did.


well that's getting a little ahead of things

and i'm saying this because that's a lot of years away, not because cubs
Last edited by David on Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby weis21 » Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:26 pm

you don't watch Kitchen Nightmares for the content. You watch it because Gordon Ramsay is horsefeathering hilarious and a total smartass
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby weis21 » Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:27 pm

David wrote:
weis21 wrote:
David wrote:
i don't have kids, although i do have 6 nieces and nephews. I'm the uppity about people bringing tiny children to baseball games guy, and even I don't see why you wouldn't take a kid to the zoo at 3 or even 2. i would think they'd enjoy at least some of it.

Yeah, I guess 3-4 would be fine. The weather is a big part of it I think. and lately it seems like we skip spring and fall altogether in NC and it's either hot AF or I'm freezing my ass off.

My first and only trip to Wrigley Field was when I was 7 and to this day, it was one of the best days of my life. I cannot wait to take him there when he's at an age in which he will appreciate. It's also crazy to think when he first starts following baseball the Cubs will actually be good and he won't have to suffer though so many years of anguish like we did.


well that's getting a little ahead of things

and i'm saying this because that's a lot of years away, not because cubs

i'm an eternal optimist. i refuse to believe anything other than the Cubs will be amazing every year. until they prove to me otherwise.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby Sammy Sofa » Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:46 pm

Not only will they have awesome Cubs teams, but they won't know the agonies of the classic bathrooms at Wrigley.
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Re: Bathroom Nightmares

Postby mul21 » Sat Jan 30, 2016 1:16 am

weis21 wrote:
davell wrote:We were on our 8th grade class field trip, which included going to the Asheboro(NC) State Zoo.....We were walking through the chimp display, which included a bridge overlooking them. One girl, who truly thought she was better than everyone else, decided to ask why there was a sign that said Beware of Flying Objects. Halfway through her sentence, she found out the answer to her question. As a chimp had thrown feces and nailed her(and only her) right upside the face. Since she was speaking, she even got the dreaded chimp poo in her mouth.

Asheboro zoo is awesome. can't wait to take my son there when he is older.

side question for those of you with kids: when is a good age to take kids to places like the zoo? is 5-6 too young? Henry is 7 months so I've got some time.


I've been taking my daughter since she was 2 and she's always loved it. Kids dig new stuff, especially when it moves and makes noises (or poops right in front of them like monkeys do).
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