"horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby JudasIscariotTheBird » Wed Feb 08, 2017 6:23 pm

Ding Dong Johnson wrote:I do not approve of the body shaming going on in this thread

I just want the dood to be able to fake being spry. Sue me.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby The Logan » Wed Feb 08, 2017 7:08 pm

My expectation of Kyle Schwarber hitting 40 dongs this year has changed. I now expect 75 dongs, and a furious Barry Bonds grabbing his hat and throwing it on the ground in comical anger like he just lost track of the Duke boys.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Liam Neeson » Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:27 pm

I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.

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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Sammy Sofa » Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:36 pm

Man, the comments are a roiling stew of crazy, even for YT. I guess this is some kind of Freemasons theory, and apparently revolves around the number 46. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby JudasIscariotTheBird » Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:48 pm

This is my favorite thing. By a lot. Thank you SO much!
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby snoodmonger » Thu Feb 09, 2017 5:53 am

TBS Playoffs Insider wrote:just started laughing when i remembered that Schwarber missed 99 percent of the season, took like 10,000 swings in a cage and then lit the Indians up in the World Series


It was maybe a blessing we didn't get HFA considering that got us 4 games with Kyle.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Andy » Thu Feb 09, 2017 4:36 pm

snoodmonger wrote:
TBS Playoffs Insider wrote:just started laughing when i remembered that Schwarber missed 99 percent of the season, took like 10,000 swings in a cage and then lit the Indians up in the World Series


It was maybe a blessing we didn't get HFA considering that got us 4 games with Kyle.

It's utterly impossible to quantify or prove, but I also think it helped mentally that Game 7 was on the road. Wrigley would've been a morgue if the Rajai Davis thing had happened there.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Ding Dong Johnson » Thu Feb 09, 2017 4:54 pm

Sammy Sofa wrote:Man, the comments are a roiling stew of crazy, even for YT. I guess this is some kind of Freemasons theory, and apparently revolves around the number 46. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Schwarber wears number 12 and was out 4 months. 12x4=48. but it was actually a little more than 2 months more than that and 48-2=46

holy. horsefeathers.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby WrigleyField 22 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:57 am

Liam Neeson wrote:I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.


:shock:

I cant believe I just watched that whole thing. What a sad sad man.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby weis21 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 4:01 am

I only made it through a few minutes. It was a mixture of anger and sadness for someone that could actually, literally believe that's reasonable.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby jumbo » Fri Feb 10, 2017 10:39 am

WrigleyField 22 wrote:
Liam Neeson wrote:I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.

:shock:

I cant believe I just watched that whole thing. What a sad sad man.



Yeah, that makes zero sense. Even if sports were in fact scripted, it's quite an assumption to think that the orchestrators of said plot would leave all these clues for this dingleberry to figure out. Just like the Bond villians explained their plan while he frees himself from restraints. Oh well, that guy is a maniac. Though I might make a bet on his next pick if the odds are right
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby JudasIscariotTheBird » Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:23 pm

jumbo wrote:
WrigleyField 22 wrote:
Liam Neeson wrote:I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.

:shock:

I cant believe I just watched that whole thing. What a sad sad man.



Yeah, that makes zero sense. Even if sports were in fact scripted, it's quite an assumption to think that the orchestrators of said plot would leave all these clues for this dingleberry to figure out. Just like the Bond villians explained their plan while he frees himself from restraints. Oh well, that guy is a maniac. Though I might make a bet on his next pick if the odds are right

You wouldn't think it, but modern-day Nostradamus is really chalky.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby biittner77 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:43 pm

weis21 wrote:I only made it through a few minutes. It was a mixture of anger and sadness for someone that could actually, literally believe that's reasonable.


All that can't be a coincidence. Oh wait, yes it can. FTH is this English reduction system where Chicago and Chicago Cubs adds up to the same number?
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snoodmonger wrote:Schwarber dong was as swaggy a dong as you're gonna see, fellas. If he'd dropped the bat cleanly, it would've jumped up and flipped itself.

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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby WrigleyField 22 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 8:08 pm

biittner77 wrote:
weis21 wrote:I only made it through a few minutes. It was a mixture of anger and sadness for someone that could actually, literally believe that's reasonable.


All that can't be a coincidence. Oh wait, yes it can. FTH is this English reduction system where Chicago and Chicago Cubs adds up to the same number?

One was reduction and the other ordinal? I dont know I think ordinal is just A=1, B=2, etc. But I already wasted 10 minutes of my life watching him, so certainly am not gonna try fact checking the lunatic.

I like that Bill Murray was so significant though. I guess Jon Cusak and Eddie Vedder came out to a totally unrelated numbers, so he had to keep looking.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby JudasIscariotTheBird » Tue Feb 21, 2017 6:15 am

Ding Dong Johnson wrote:
Sammy Sofa wrote:Man, the comments are a roiling stew of crazy, even for YT. I guess this is some kind of Freemasons theory, and apparently revolves around the number 46. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Schwarber wears number 12 and was out 4 months. 12x4=48. but it was actually a little more than 2 months more than that and 48-2=46

holy. horsefeathers.

And take back one kadam to honor the Hebrew God whose bat this is.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Banedon » Thu Feb 23, 2017 6:26 pm

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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby David » Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:38 pm

it's gonna be hilarious when the lineups come out on opening night and derwood posts something like "schwarber is leading off? wtf?" in the game thread.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Derwood » Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:11 pm

David wrote:it's gonna be hilarious when the lineups come out on opening night and derwood posts something like "schwarber is leading off? wtf?" in the game thread.


Well now I will
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby David » Fri Feb 24, 2017 2:33 am

instagram comments do not disappoint

dcombs0510Keeps him from grounding into DPs has to be the train of thought
cobb_inatorBeast!
8ties._.babi_Unless he ends the season with 0 RBI's he'll have plenty of dp opportunities.. regardless do you really want that 40HR power to go to waist having much less RBI chances? Hit em 2nd
seamustoalThat seems weird to me. Classic ordering puts a fast guy who can steal first. Also, isn't it a bit early to determine the batting order? Though who am I to doubt Joe!
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Sammy Sofa » Fri Feb 24, 2017 3:43 am

David wrote:a fast guy who can steal first


This comment is so dumb, I am readily assuming that they actually typed this thinking you can steal 1B.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby David » Fri Feb 24, 2017 2:25 pm

Sammy Sofa wrote:
David wrote:a fast guy who can steal first


This comment is so dumb, I am readily assuming that they actually typed this thinking you can steal 1B.


we're going to be at like 500 runs at the ASB and people are going to be clamoring for a trade for a leadoff hitter at the deadline.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Ding Dong Johnson » Fri Feb 24, 2017 3:53 pm

we need that Juan Pierre-type spark plug at the top
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby The Logan » Fri Feb 24, 2017 6:03 pm

I don't hate Schwarber at the top, but I still think Zobrist would be better there.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Duke Silver » Fri Feb 24, 2017 6:08 pm

The Logan wrote:I don't hate Schwarber at the top, but I still think Zobrist would be better there.


Me too. Zobrist seems perfect for that spot. But, whatever... I don't really care. As long as the good guys go up as quickly as possible, I don't care too much on what order they bat.
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Re: "horsefeathers looks like The Thing" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

Postby Cubswin11 » Fri Feb 24, 2017 6:12 pm

First, if we've learned anything from Joe it's that the lineup order is going to be fluid most of the season and nobody really has "their spot in the order" so I don't really think it's a big deal to get hung up on who hits where the first game of the year. Secondly I'm guessing the main reason to have Schwarber lead off and Zobrist hit 4th or 5th is to break up the lefties and righties so we aren't having multiple L/R bat back to back.
Last edited by Cubswin11 on Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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